Overwhelm
by Kurayami4Hikari
Summary: For the first time in my life since I've known, I let myself cried. I let my tears shown to the world. I let myself cried out in anguish, pain, and sadness. I let it all out that day.


**Warning: Spoilers for the books, I think.**

**My first try at a PJO story, hope you'll like it or read it at least.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Percy Jackson and the Olympians**

**Percy's POV**

For the first time in my life since I've known, I let myself cried. I let my tears shown to the world. I let myself cried out in anguish, pain, and sadness. I let it all out that day. My buried feelings, my inner desires, my suffering through it. I bet they didn't even know that, I thought sadly.

When I first came into this crazy world where the gods exist, I was thrown into a quest to prevent a war I didn't fully comprehend. I was mad; I want my mother back with me safe and sound. And that's all I want.

I've known I was too loyal for my own good as Athena said later on but I didn't care. That quest was about getting my mother back, not the stupid lightning bolt. But of course I had to let myself get attach to Grover and Annabeth and just had to go through it all. Leaving my mother in the Underworld as well.

I felt my heart being ripped apart. _What kind of kid am I?_ I thought. _What kind off kid that would leave their caring, loving, sacrificing mother behind like me? _My mother doesn't deserve a kid like me.

Thankfully after the quest everything turned out great. My mom's back, Gabe's gone, I made some awesome friend I'll admit that, and got a new home. Still, I have mixed feelings with my dad and this world nonetheless but I push it to the back of my mind.

_That's it act happy. Act like it's all okay, even if I want to broke down so badly._ That's what I've been telling myself over the years.

Imagine, one minute you're normal the next you couldn't even go out without monsters hunting you down. I deeply longed for my ignorance now, I could never enjoy myself being normal like I used too. No matter how much fun being a half-blood is, you're going to miss being normal at one point. To not worry about monster attacking you or your family when you're having fun or getting people into dangerous situation and the likes.

I never told anyone this but I felt overwhelm, confuse, and mad with all the unfair things I had went through and because everybody won't give me a straight answer all the time.

I get it, knowing the future wont be good but even I **known** that I cant mess with fate, with something as big like this. Why can't anyone trust me with this? Not knowing will just led to many mistakes that can be avoided easily but still wont mess up the future. I do mature more after every quest…

_But everything turned out okay,_ a part of me whispered. It did but I'm still angry about it. I felt bad but I've known Luke's right for the most part. Even with my promise, will the gods kept their words forever?

Annabeth or Grover or anybody for that matter didn't know this but I was really tempted to join Luke if not for the fact that Kronos is bad and would've killed all of us.

The gods are foolish. They didn't care about mortals except for a few of them. They need to behave better and not just with their kids but with their way of ruling too.

But what rights do I have to judge?

I'm still just a kid, barely an adult when I thought of this. And even after the whole Titan war I still felt this is all too much for me to handle. It's like entering a fantasy world you can't escape.

I heard some half bloods that are completely overwhelm by this from Annabeth, didn't end up good. They either gone loco or escape it all by suicide.

It's only a matter of time before I'm like them. The war and all just postponed it, by pushing all of it to the back of my mind, keeping it lock tight it a small box, I was able to survive but now when it's all over… I got time to think, and I known I couldn't escape it.

After I'm done with all of that crying, I drag my self into the lake I come across in one of my quests and went deeper until I'm in the bottom of it. Water filled my lungs but I was able to breathe normally. _Well not for long,_ I smiled.

If I want to go, I want to go down drowning. Beside, I want to die in my own element. Where I feel the safest. I want to die feeling safe and letting it all go…

I know it's not noble or heroic but I'm done with this stuff. Everyone will be fine without me, they'll move on… eventually. And I hope they'll get so mad so they'll hate me instead of being sad. I'm not needed anymore I thought gladly. Olympus can find another hero in time.

With that final thoughts and mental goodbyes, I willed myself for not being able to breathe underwater. At first nothing happened, but then I felt it. A burning sensation in my lungs crying out for air or water, I was taken aback but I forced myself not to stop. A little more, I thought.

Fish and other water creatures in the lake stopped and looked at me alarmed. They were yelling, pleading me to stop. But I ignored them and smiled showing there's nothing to worry about.

They didn't stop thought.

"_My Lord please breathes! You're killing yourself!"_ A white crappie shout it my head.

"_It's alright. I'm content now… Please let me be."_ I sent my thoughts to them.

They all looked nervous now after my response, they don't know whether to leave me be or help me snap out of it. Finally the fish spoke again, _"We could have get someone here for a final goodbye?"_ He asked hesitantly, _"Or get a last message to someone and have it translate."_

I never thought a fish could care so much about me. But it was a pleasant feeling, saying an actual goodbye to someone or some fish. _"Thanks for caring but it's okay. Goodbye to you, all of you and thank you for caring."_

I didn't catch any more words if he uttered something because black dots clouded my vision and I kept smiling as I blacked out, welcoming the unusual feeling.


End file.
